Hurtful Comments

[meds]

I received my first hurtful comment about my artwork today, and I'm not talking about annoying critiques.  I don't think the person was purposefully trying to insult me (maybe she was), but what she said was humiliating, and she wouldn't just shut up about it.  She had to go on and on.  I'm embarrassed by the entire situation.  And, she was not a stranger (maybe that wouldn't have been as embarrassing).  Talk about a blow to my confidence. *hangs head low*

The thing that I hate the most is that stuff like this always makes me question things.  I wish the fact that an ignorant person that said something very stupid to me wouldn't get to me so much, but it does.  And, of course I know this will not be the last nasty comment I get.

Does anyone else have experiences like this where you have to deal with humiliating or insulting comments about your artwork?  I assume some artists have to deal with it all the time.

[Patrick Lawrence]

Well sure you will have this happen, every artist does. The thing is just to be a good self judge. Generally I am also much harder on myself than any one else. So when people do say something I already am way ahead of them haha.

[michellega]

Well, if i receive a hurtful comment or one that really irks me, I look at their own works.  That is the first thing I do.  If they are waaay above my level and can demonstrate their ability (the whole practice what they preach thing) then I take their comment, strip away the negativity and try to find that small grain of helpfulness in it.  If they can not demonstrate that they know what they are talking about, then I completely ignore them.  If I am having a bad day, I might get snippety with them.

One thing my mom taught me that I found very effective is the "Kill them with kindness" response.  I literally say something like, "thank you for your advice(opinion, input)."  If they keep pushing it, I just repeat the thank you and walk off/ignore them, depending on if it is real life or not.

Depending on what the comment is, you can get really creative with a response of their own ^_^  but that depends on how much of a bad day you have had and how much you want to take it out on them lol

[meds]

Patrick - This wasn't a type of comment that was like, "I don't like this," or "you can do better."  I get those all the time, especially from myself.  This was just an insulting comment that was embarrassing.  I couldn't even defend myself because I was shocked that she allowed herself to be so completely rude to me.  

Have you gotten those types of comments?

Michelle - She isn't an artist.  And, even if she was an artist that was way better than me, she was insulting, not just giving a harsh critique.  Unfortunately, because I was partly too nice and partly too offended to say anything, I was stupid enough to tell her that I'd help her draw something for some plaque she wants this week.  I don't know why I do that to myself.

[michellega]

sounds like jealousy and insecurity to me.  considering that she made a huge insult and then asked you to draw somethign for her   Mixed signals.

If she says something like that again, then ask her why she wants you to draw for her if she feels that way.

[meds]

I don't really think I have anything that she'd be jealous of. *shrugs*

The drawing I told her I'd start on this week is something I told her I'd do a while ago.  So, I guess I felt I had to keep my word.  But, if she is rude to me again I really hope that I will stand my ground and confront her, or be able to tell her that she needs to find someone else to help her.

Just based on my conversation with her, I'm assuming what happened is that she was talking about the picture with family/friends and probably poking fun of it (not a thrilling thought for me), and then when she talked to me, she accidentally used the same words to describe my picture as she did when talking with people she was more comfortable with.  I think she caught herself too because she changed her words half way through the conversation.  It's just a case of her being ignorant and totally oblivious to somene's feelings.  And, I use to be her supervisor (she no longer works with me), so I'm sure she enjoyed every minute of making me cringe.

[michellega]

I can never understand people who are deliberately malicious.  It makes no sense to me.  If she was enjoying it, she did it on purpose and that is completely uncalled for.  Quite honestly, if I were you, I would tell her that after the conversation the two of you had, you decided that it would be better if she found someone else to help her with her plaque thingy, as it is obvious that your style will not do for her project.  If she protests or says there is no one else, then I would just shrug and say that she should have thought of that before completely insulting and humiliating your work.

[meds]

I'll give her the benefit of doubt.  She might not have enjoyed hurting my feelings.  She probably just wasn't thinking.  Sometimes people can say really stupid things when they aren't thinking.  I know from experience.

Of course, it is still a blow to my confidence, but I guess this type of stuff is nothing new to any artist, and I'm sure I'll have many more in the future. 

[michellega]

Ok.  Just let it roll off you like water, then and move on.  And just think, well at least I am learning! ^_^

[meds]

Exactly!  Maybe this is training for what's to come. hahaha!

At my job, I've been called every name in the book. I've been yelled at, cursed at, screamed at, I've dealt with politcal harrassers, perverted men, and some very bitter people.  And, every single time my blood may boil a bit and I'm just as annoyed as the first time, but we learn to deal with it effectively.  It's just part of the job.  I'm sure it will be the same way with mean art comments.

[meds]

On the flip side, I think artists probably have to learn how to handle nice comments too.  Otherwise, it's likely to swell our egos.  hahaha!  

For whatever reason, my recent digital doodle/painting is getting a lot of good feedback today.  And, I've been showered with wonderful words.  It definitely lifts my spirits, but some comments are probably a little bit too nice. hahaha!  They are the exact opposite of yesterday's comment.  The nice comment was to the extreme, and just like yesterday's comment was the worst I've received, today's is the best.  Not that I'm complaining of course, but I guess it has been a rather odd test for me having these extreme comments back to back.  I guess either way we have to learn to stay a bit realistic.

But, I might just stay up in the clouds for a little while longer before coming back to the ground.  

[michellega]

Karma, dude.  The balance of karma for hateful lies is wonderful over-the-top positive reinforcement ^_^

I know what you mean about work.  I did customer service for a long time.  in ten years, I have had three calls/customers that I actually cried because I was so upset over their attitude.  All those calls were from the East Coast   (I had some nice ones from there, too, though)  Just remember that the bad ones stand out like rotten eggs, so don`t let them stink up your thinking.  Or something like that

[Patrick Lawrence]

I did tech support for several years so I know how you feel not much fun haha.  But nothing that ever got me upset really. Normally if they started yelling etc I would just start to ignore them and surf the net and wait for them to calm down haha.

[michellega]

yeah, I did that--but I am sooo emotional.  When people start yelling and calling me bad names and swearing, i get upset and want to cry.  Thankfully, I had a reputation for being one of the best CS reps in the center, so the managers almost always took my side when it escalated (and escalation from me was not often. I could usually reel them back in or lead the call to a close)

[meds]

I understand Michelle.  I'm a sensitive person and can get the same way if I'm not careful.  There have been many times where I had to get up and go outside for some fresh air after a heated call.  

I think it is a little bit different with art though, because art is more personal.  But, I'm sure the more well known someone is, the more crap they have to deal with.